Quit trying to fix yourself


I know you’ve been trying hard to fix yourself lately.

All the self-improvement reading, the personality tests, the self-reflection, the get-to-know-you-better discussions. The very fact that you’re reading this already gave you up.

Don’t worry. I get it. I’ve been there too.

But it’s time to knock it off.

You know what? I would kill to have had more of daddy’s love when I was growing up. That might have saved me from turning into an approval seeker.

And, yes, having a mom who was more emotionally present wouldn’t’ve hurt either. Maybe that would have helped me to be more in touch with my emotions and less stuck in my head, judging and suffering.

Or having been brought up surrounded by an abundance mindset instead of a scarcity one. That surely would’ve saved me a lot of years of scraping by uncomfortably.

Or, you know, even just growing up knowing my voice mattered, instead of being taught that the way to survive was by not being seen or heard—by not bothering “the adults.” That by being invisible, I would be safe. I bet there wouldn’t be this invisible wall I sometimes feel constraining me from giving my best to the world.

The list could go on and on. I bet yours could too.

Because, yes, it’s really easy to get trapped in wishing and wanting to change all the things we don’t like on ourselves, to work on our weaknesses.

But here’s the thing.

It doesn’t fucking matter. It just doesn’t.

I could spend my whole life on this planet trying to fix all the things that are broken in me. Would I succeed at that noble task? I doubt it. I’d probably need a whole other lifetime on top of this one to accomplish that.

But who the fuck cares?

Even if I had that extra lifetime, it would be a total waste of energy. For years, the whole self-help industry has been selling us the idea that “you can’t love someone until you fully love yourself.”

But what if that whole premise is complete bullshit? What if, instead of trying to fix ourselves in a desperate attempt to be happy, we try a different angle?

Think of it as a poker game. You’ve been dealt a hand of cards for this game called life. And now you have two options: either you focus on using your lower cards, wishing you had better cards each time you nervously make a move, or you build your strategy around the Ace you got and try to find the best cards to pair it with to make a winning play.

It’s a no brainer, right?

So why do we invest so much time, energy, and resources trying to fix what we believe—what we’ve been told—is broken? Why don’t we focus on our strengths—the things we’re good at, the things people value about us—and use them to serve others? Best of all, if we do that, some of those things we desperately want to change will get fixed as well—call it collateral repair.

Isn’t that a much better long-term investment?

No matter how broken you’ve been told you are, there are always some hidden Aces, Kings, and Queens within you.

Super powers, gifts, talents, quirks, passions—call them whatever you want.

You know you have them.

So play your best hand. Find your unique strengths and put them to good use every single day.

Because—I hate to break it to you—we’re not going to be playing this poker game forever.

Written by:

Victor Espigares

Bestselling author, startup founder, multi-passionate entrepreneur, contemporary dancer, and dad in progress. I help passionate makers and entrepreneurs thrive and grow to enjoy a Remarkable Life.

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